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A Teen-Friendly Guide to Preventing Sexual Violence
Teenage years can be a chaotic time - you're faced with opportunities and challenges, feelings and experiences that you've never faced before. You're also making decisions that will affect the rest of your life.
In this section you will learn:
Sexual assault is any unwanted act of a sexual nature. It can include anything from sexual exploitation, unwanted sexual touching, to rape, to injuring or endangering the life of the victim.
Teenage years can be a chaotic time - you're faced with opportunities and challenges, feelings and experiences that you've never faced before. You're also making decisions that will affect the rest of your life.
Some of those decisions will probably involve dating and relationships. While relationships can be exciting, rewarding and emotionally nourishing, the "relationship road" can also be a bumpy, confusing ride.
Often you can end up in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, that you didn't see coming, or that you're just not sure how to get out of. Like when someone pressures you to have sex when you're not ready. Or touches you when you don't want them to.
Maybe some of these experiences even happened when you were a kid and are now holding you back from doing well in school, pursuing your interests, or letting anyone get too close to you.
Abuse can take many forms - it can be physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, financial. Unfortunately statistics show that teens are far more likely to experience sexual assault.
It's not so easy to talk about. People seem to get scared and uncomfortable when the topic is raised. But the truth is, the more we talk about it, and the more we educate ourselves, the easier talking will get.
Physical violence
Physical violence is the most commonly understood form of violence. It includes hitting, pushing, slapping, hair pulling, stabbing, mutilation or killing. All forms of physical violence are crimes under the Criminal Code.
Sexual assault
Sexual assault is any unwanted act of a sexual nature. It can include anything from sexual exploitation, unwanted sexual touching, to rape, to injuring or endangering the life of the victim.
Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse (also referred to as psychological or verbal abuse) includes insults, humiliation, yelling, put-downs, threats, harming pets or damaging property.
Financial abuse
Financial abuse (also referred to as economic abuse) includes stealing, and restricting access to money, employment opportunities or financial information.
If you're concerned that a friend or loved one is in an abusive situation, the best thing to do is trust your gut. You probably wouldn't be worried if there wasn't a good reason, right?
Here are some signs to look for to help you decide if your friend is in trouble:
Because we tend to excuse the other person's behaviour and blame ourselves, we often don't realize what's happening right away. Sometimes, it takes people around us to point out that we are caught up in a dangerous situation.
An estimated 572,000 women in Canada were sexually assaulted in one year alone. That's more than one per minute! (Source: The 1993 Violence Against Women Survey estimated that 572,000 women in Canada aged 18 or over had been sexually assaulted within the previous year. This equals 5% of all Canadian women.)
You don't expect that a date is going to lead to violence or sexual assault. In fact, it's usually the last thing on your mind. But even if you could predict it, you can't always prevent an incident from happening.
Women are twice as likely to be sexually assaulted by a man they know than by a stranger. (Source: Violence Against Women Survey, 1993 )
So, what can you do to protect yourself? Here are a few precautions you can take to increase your safety.
Speak up!
Don't be afraid to express your opinion if there is somewhere you don't want to go, such as his house, or a party with a crowd you don't like.
Remember that guys don't read minds! Let your date know if you are uncomfortable with something he is doing. Make sure your message is clear. You might say something like, "Stop. I'm NOT comfortable with this." If you are ignored, be prepared to protest loudly and cause a scene if necessary.
Make sure you have your own way to get home
Never leave home without any money on you; make sure that you at least have cash for a cab or bus ride home. Call your parents or ask your friends for a ride, taxi or bus fare.
Everybody reacts to traumatic events in different ways. A person who has been assaulted may lash out at everyone around her, cry constantly, be afraid to be alone, have difficulty eating and sleeping, or she may withdraw completely and refuse to talk about what has happened to her.
Two out of three Canadian women have experienced sexual assault. (Source: In 1993, the Canadian Panel on Violence Against Women reported this statistic, based on the legal definition of sexual assault.)
Young women are at the highest risk of sexual assault. (Source:The Women's Safety Project reported that over half (51%) the cases of sexual assault it studied in 1991 and 1992 were committed against women between the ages of 16 and 21.)
Either way, be prepared to:
If you ask most people what a sexual assault is, they'll probably tell you it's what happens when a stranger forces you to have sex by using physical violence. But you know what? Sexual assault isn't limited to sexual intercourse - and it actually includes any psychological or emotional manipulation or threats which pressures someone into sex, as well as any form of unwanted touching. The worst part is, in most cases, sexual assault is committed by someone you know well. Even someone you love.
It gets confusing because some guys think that they have the right to expect sex from a girl, especially if she has been friendly or has already agreed to some form of sexual contact, like kissing or touching. But that's a dangerous assumption.
Just because you've had some sexual contact, doesn't mean that you automatically have the right to more.
Here are a few simple things you can do:
Most guys are NOT abusive and don't support abusive behaviour. So how can you help avoid sexual assault and work to bring an end to violence against women? Know that you are not alone. There are men across Canada who are actively working to end violence against women. Organizations like the White Ribbon Campaign can support you in your efforts to fight sexism, discrimination and disrespect towards women.
Are You a Victim of Sexual Violence? There's Help for Guys Too...
Whether you're male or female, sexual assault isn't easy to talk about. Especially if it has happened to you. For guys, even acknowledging that you have been a victim is hard, because you've probably been brought up to believe that men should be proud, strong, and always in control. But if someone threatened, forced, or manipulated you into doing something you didn't want to do, it doesn't mean you're weak or that you could have stopped it if you were "more of a man". An abuser takes away your choices. That means, whatever happened to you, it was not your fault.
Sexual violence can make you feel very isolated, so it really helps if you can talk about it with someone. There are plenty of guys out there who have gone through the same kind of stuff that you're going through. And they're starting to speak up about it.
If you're not sure who to turn to, here are some agencies that can help:
Kids Help Phone
1-800-668-6868
24-hour, seven-day-a-week counselling service for young people. The service is available across Canada for a variety of issues including sexual assault and other violence.
The Men's Project
Provides crisis intervention, as well as individual and group counselling services on a range of men's issues, including support for male survivors of sexual abuse in Eastern Ontario.
Kids Help Phone: 24-hour, seven-day-a-week counselling service for young people. The service is available across Canada for a variety of issues including sexual assault and other violence. 1-800-668-6868.
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Teens helping Teens: The award-winning website of the Sexual Assault Care Centre (part of the Grace Division of The Scarborough Hospital in Scarborough, Ontario) was designed and developed by teens for teens. The website explains what the Sexual Assault Care Centre is, what to expect when going to the hospital after experiencing sexual assault, and provides a list of additional places to go for help and counselling. The site also addresses some of the frustrations and fears that a victim of sexual violence may be feeling. An explanation of the Centre's services is available in 20 different languages.
Set up a Youth Dating Violence Prevention Project in your school: The Flamborough Information & Community Services website offers a manual to guide students and teachers in establishing their own Dating Violence Prevention Project. It includes how to build a committee, plan a teen summit, train your peers, and more. The manual costs $25.00 and can be ordered through the website.
Teen Handbook on Dating Violence: The website of the Sexual Assault Survivors' Centre in Sarnia, Ontario, includes a Teen Handbook on Dating Violence, which can be viewed online, and includes all sorts of important facts and tips, as well as contact numbers for emergency and community help.
Youth speak out about sexual violence: Learn about a dynamic young women's project to educate and empower youth. The Young Women's Anti-Violence Speakers Bureau offers interactive, empowering workshops to young women and men. The workshops - created and conducted by youth - include: dating violence, sexual assault/date rape and emotional abuse. This project is presented by METRAC (the Metropolitan Action Committee on Violence Against Women and Children).
Learn about violence in relationships: Women's Habitat in Toronto presents an interactive web site to teach youth about violence and relationships . It also can help them identify and deal with violence that may exist in their own relationships
Guys working to end violence against women: The White Ribbon Campaign offers information and resources for guys who want to get involved in ending violence against women.
The Fédération de la jeunesse franco-ontarienne (FESFO) is a non-profit organization that works with Franco-Ontarian youth between the ages of 14 and 19 years old. In Francophone high schools and their communities, FESFO offers workshops, regional forums and other activities - on topics including the prevention of violence and dating violence. FESFO's website has several print resources for teachers and students to download, including some on violence prevention
DisAbled Women's Network: Girls and young women with disabilities are especially vulnerable to sexual assault; they tend to experience higher rates of violence than their non-disabled peers. To help girls with disabilities increase their awareness and their safety, the DisAbled Women's Network Ontario (DAWN) has created "You Deserve To Be Safe: A Guide for Girls with Disabilities". This on-line resource defines different types of violence and describes the specific issues that girls with disabilities might face when confronted with this violence. Also available through DAWN is "You Deserve to be Safe: An Education Video" that can be used by your teachers along with the on-line guide.
Both men and women suffer from violence. But it's a proven fact that violence against women tends to be more severe. For example, women are more likely to be beaten, choked, and sexually assaulted than men. And they are 5 times more likely to need a doctor to treat their injuries.
Source: Family Violence: A Statistical Profile 2000, Statistics Canada
Violence against women is about controlling and oppressing women. A man who commits this violence usually does so to keep women "in their place" - to make them behave in the ways he wants.
Violence affects women throughout the world - regardless of race, age, culture, social status, level of education or income. Violence against women is also more common than violence against men. For example, they are over 3 times more likely than men to be killed by their spouse. Women are also more likely to be victims of violence again and again. Considering these facts, it is little wonder that women are 5 times more likely to fear for their lives than men.
Source: Family Violence: A Statistical Profile 2000, Statistics Canada
The United Nations drafted the Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women in 1993. This important document recognizes that violence against women just isn't the same as other types of violence - it is a crime of oppression and discrimination that men commit against women.
This United Nations Declaration also recognizes that violence against women stems from the long history of inequality between men and women. To this day, this inequality prevents women from fully participating and succeeding in all parts of our society.
